This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
