Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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