I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
