it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize