Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize