take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
