I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
