nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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