If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
