i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
