Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
