my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
