If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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