Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
