I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
