Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
