shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
