I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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