lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
