my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
