You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
