she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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