I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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