my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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