Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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