We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
