Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
