let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
