I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
