Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
