There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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