Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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