I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
