do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
