Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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