so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
