3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
