I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
