Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
