Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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