I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
