He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
