You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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