You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
