Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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