So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
