New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How naked do you want me to be?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
