these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
