I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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