guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
