I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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