yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
