chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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