you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I believe in your delicious
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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