my shit smells like andre
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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