I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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