I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
