You're a womanizer and a bitch.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
