They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
