Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
