Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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