Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
jump out the window naked night went bad
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