fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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