my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
