Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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