Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
