two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we're so committed to being not committed
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
