the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
