i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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