I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
