I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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