Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
