ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You can't just leave with hair like that
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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