and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
